an emotion - i am afraid of confronting.

Earlier, while I was in the office washroom, I suddenly felt sad knowing you are gone. It sucks because I was asking myself earlier why you had to go. Why in the first place, you allowed yourself to be hurt. Why you need to be left there?
Kakamiss ka lang. I am just too scared that someday, I will stop missing you... that someday, I will no longer remember you... but I doubt it will happen. 
I hope it won't happen. I know it won't. 
My memories of you are still vivid. It's just hard to go on with our dreams for our family without you around, when everyone seems to have moved on with their lives, I still find it hard moving forward, planning ahead. It's just weird though, in my line of work, the importance of planning has been reiteratively emphasized, but I could no longer make a concrete plan about myself, about my future.